Big Ken in Cali

A single twenty-something, living in the central valley of California, rambles on about life, love, and the eternal pursuit of happiness.

Monday, October 11, 2010

269.4 Pounds of Awesomeness

So, I promised photos of myself in the past when I'd lost weight. I've been busy of late, but wanted to post those. These were taken by Adria Scarborough who has an eponymous photography business she runs with her husband, Jarod. My photo shoot with Adria was on September 25, 2010. More or less, this is about 20 months after my weight loss surgery (I had a gastric band surgery on January 23, 2009.

Let's work out some stats real quick:
On 1/22/2009 I weighed in at 382.5 pounds.
On 10/11/2010 I weighed in at 269.4 pounds.
Total weight lost so far is 113.10 pounds.

Please don't get the impression that this surgery is a cure-all or was easy for me. I've struggled with learning how to recondition myself to eat better and exercise more. I am still highly addicted to ice cream, just like many 0f you. The difference is that I never felt full before having this surgery. Now I have certain triggers that I can sense that tell me I am more or less "full" or satisfied. Also, I have learned (and am still in the process of learning) the importance of chewing my food, getting enough exercise and sleep, and enjoying life as much as possible in the right ways.

One struggle as I've been learning this reconditioning, I've regurgitated more food in the past 20 months than in the 27 years prior to that. I've gone to bed hungry more nights because of being unable to get anything "down," too. So, those that think I took the "easy way out" with this surgery have no idea what they're talking about. Rex Ryan, the NY Jets head coach, has had a similar surgery, and one day I heard Doug Gottlieb speak of Rex Ryan's choice to have the surgery and called him this word for having had it: "WEAK." Doug Gottlieb was trying to promote P90X, a series of exercise DVDs formally called Power 90 Extreme, for which he must be a compensated endorser because if you listen to ESPN Radio at all, then you have to hear him droll on about it ALL THE TIME! Well, to Doug Gottlieb and anyone else that would judge someone else for making one of the most difficult decisions in their lives, this is what I have to say to you:
You are not a real man. A real man does not call people out for issues like that over a radio show in order to promote their exercise video series. Mr. Gottlieb, at one point in time I did enjoy listening to your show, but you are such an insulting individual that I would rather not bother with it. Being that your show is a sports show, you can make fun of the NY Jets all that you want. Make fun of how Rex is as a head coach. How he acts versus how he should probably act, but to make fun of him for wanting to add years to his life and improve his health seems absurd considering that is exactly what you were supposedly trying to promote with the exercise series you were endorsing at that time. I sincerely hope to one day find you in need of a surgery similar to the surgery Rex Ryan had. And if that does happen, I hope to find audio of your own comments to play for you to hear and to see how "weak" it makes you feel to realize that you've torn down another person for what you yourself have also done.
Of course, I doubt that this will go anywhere, but that comment that Gottlieb made has been on my mind since the summer when he made it. I've thought very poorly of Gottlieb ever since.

On a brighter note, I hope you can enjoy these photos of me. I will probably just post them from here on in this specific post.

Mark Zuckerberg

This blog entry from the LA Times supports my theory that Mark Zuckerberg will be just fine after the release of the Social Network.

See the SNL sketch they reference here.

My favorite line:

Responding to whether he went and saw The Social Network, "What? Don't be ridiculous. I stole it online."

You should see this movie.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Social Network

In case you haven't heard, there is a new movie out about the origins of facebook. If you're not familiar with it, read the synopsis here.

I saw this movie last night, and think the dialogue is solid. It stars Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg, facebook's co-founder. Justin Timberlake, Rooney Mara, and Andrew Garfield also star. The emotions ran high throughout Aaron Sorkin's script and that made the movie very good. Overall, I am most impressed with David Fincher: that script was difficult to shoot, at best, and then piece together as a followable film. He segued between depositions and life events fairly seamlessly, all the while painting the picture of what the founders of facebook were like. I think that Fincher also proved his abilities by getting a very good performance from Justin Timberlake as Sean Parker, founder of Napster and adviser to facebook's early days.

I don't feel this movie was as damaging to Mark Zuckerberg's character as many had suggested it would be. It showcases him as aloof and at odds with both understanding people and not understanding them at the same time. He gets what motivates them, but he doesn't get why it motivates them. In general, based on this portrayal, he's the brightest person in the room.

Personally, I think he'll be just fine after this movie and be unaffected by it. Leading me to believe that his donation to Newark Schools of approximately $100M had more to do with taxes than with anything else. Which also leads me to believe that you should all expect a facebook IPO in 2011 or 2012. The only questionable thing about that transaction is its timing, yet why does that even matter? He gave because he wanted to give and he found an organization that he wanted to give to. To me, that's all that really mattered.

Overall, I think that the movie is worth seeing in theaters. The pace is a bit slow though, so don't go tired. There is little to no action whatsoever. If you enjoy dramas and enjoyed television shows like The West Wing (written by Aaron Sorkin), then you'll enjoy this film, too.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

(500) Days of Summer

It's official! I LOVE "(500) Days of Summer." I don't know how to explain it, but this simple movie has me swooning over it. The soundtrack is brilliant. Yes, I said brilliant. The way that the director, Marc Webb, has incorporated the music into the storytelling has enhanced the movie so much. I finally bought the soundtrack from last night and have been listening to the music all morning. I never really knew The Smiths, Hall & Oates, or even Simon And Garfunkel before this album and have to say that based on the samples included on this album, I am now going to have to go back and check out their musical catalogs. By far, my favorite songs on this album are track 2: Us by Regina Spektor and track 8: Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap. Us is just a really sweet, tender song, and Spektor's voice is so sultry: I LOVE it! Sweet Disposition has to have one of my favorite intros of all time, seriously. Between the percussion and the vocals that start this song off, it reminds me of early U2 music, only better! So, yeah, I would HIGHLY recommend this soundtrack to anyone that enjoys listening to music. It wouldn't be very good for working out to at the gym, though. Nor would it be good for dancing. But it is sweet and tender and good for listening to while working at the office.

As for the movie, I notice that the main characters are named Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel) and can't help but think that this is an homage to Mark Twain's characters Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, but am not quite sure how to make this connection because I am fairy deficient in my reading of novels including those characters. However, from what I do recall of Huck Finn, he was a total noncommittal person, living life by the day and making no plans for the future. If that is the case, then Summer Finn truly does embody those attributes at the beginning of the film. Tom Hansen as Tom Sawyer is a bit harder for me to connect because Tom's character feels as though he has always wanted to be in love and is in love with the idea of being in love. Which is one reason that I think that I relate so well to this film, because I love the sensation of being in love, no matter how fleeting it has been in my own life. Either way, I think I am onto something with this character names, but again am deficient in my readings on the original characters.

So, the two characters have basically role reversal from the start. Not that Tom is homosexual or anything, but he definitely takes on many stereotypes typically assigned to women, like always looking for love, reading too much into situations, obsessing about the "relationship" before it's really a relationship, etc. What I like most about that is that this is exactly what made the film likable because it is not only women who do this about relationships. I am not saying all men do this to the extent that some women do it, but many men do worry about this stuff. At times, I am included among those men that "overthink" their interactions with the opposite sex. So, overall, I can truly relate to this character. I think that my male friends that liked this movie, also relate, on some level, to Tom, too.

Zooey Deschanel's Summer Finn is phenomenal. Yes, one of the other reasons that I LOVE this movie is because I love Zooey. Ever since seeing her in Elf, I have been in love with her. I can't say that I have loved all of her films (seriously, The Happening and Yes Man were pretty bad), but I think that even in her bad films (including the ones I just mentioned) she has made them watchable by being so likable. She always seems to come across the screen as the beautiful girl-next-door that you could just live the rest of your life with. She has many of the movies memorable lines and is involved in some great scenes, too. I can't really say what those are here right now, but they'll probably make you laugh.

Overall, this romantic comedy does it a little different and succeeds at it. I should caution anyone that intends to see it that it definitely earns its PG-13 rating by using some colorful language, but honestly, it didn't seem vulgar to me, especially in its context. There is no nudity and no violence, so that is nice.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Time Warp to 1995

I live in Bakersfield, California. Something that people often say about Bakersfield is that "there's nothing to do," which can be true, at times, but usually I'll hear many of those same people quickly follow that comment up with, "but it's really close to everything else." Well, I haven't quite figured out how to stay bored in Bakersfield and am not sure what "everything else" is, but I got a good glimpse at it over this past weekend.

Last weekend, I went to see my grandparents in Gardnerville, Nevada; a small town adjacent to Minden, Nevada which itself is a few miles from Carson City, Nevada. All of which is relatively close to Reno, Nevada. Well, enough with this geography lesson, but know that from my driveway to my grandparents' driveway, it's about a 7 hour drive.

I first noticed that I was entering a time warp because my cell phone stopped working. I was driving along Highway 58, not even to Tehachapi, talking to my mom (yes, I do call her and email her often, but I am not a momma's boy) when the cell service just died. When my mom finally heard from me a few days later, she referred to it as simply getting cutoff, but I know that this was the start of the time warp. The cell service would come and go intermittently, making it useless to make any phone calls as I made the long trek via Highway 395.

Having given up on my cell phone, I turned to my trusty satellite radio. Certainly XM would not forsake me. I didn't think it was possible, but even XM had reception issues on those back roads through such thriving metropolises as Lone Pine, Big Pine and the big city, Bishop. I guess that I was not meant to listen to ESPN Radio for 7 straight hours (which I might have done just because I could.) So, instead I went through the six compact discs in the changer in my car. It ranged from comedy to Disney classics to Broadway hits to country music. I couldn't help but sing along. Mind you, these were mp3 CDs, not audio CDs, so they were multiple full albums that I had burned onto one disc. Of course, all of this music contributed to the time warp, too. You see, the majority of the Disney and Broadway music that I was singing along with was from the 1990's. Such music as from Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King (movie and stage), The Little Mermaid, Pocahontas Hercules and Mulan.

After giving up on the cell phone and submitting to the musical forces that are Andrew Lloyd Webber ("Phantom of the Opera") and Walt Disney Studios, I found myself cruising through Bridgeport, California, crooning "If I Can't Have Her" and "I'll Make a Man Out of You," as well as various tunes from "Phantom." Okay, I didn't sing all of these in Bridgeport, the town is not THAT big, but I did stop there to use the restroom, so I sang the two I actually named while there. And yes, the two local citizens looked at me a bit funny, but they had to run back-and-forth between the various gas stations and eateries that they were manning that day, so they didn't have much time to be all that puzzled.

I continued on my way, mile after mile seemed to stack up. My car and I were enjoying the scenery of Topaz Lake and the mountains, but were growing weary and ready to just chill for the night. Of course, it was early afternoon, so it was too early to do any of that, but I was tired nonetheless. About an hour after leaving Bridgeport, and approximately 23 songs later, I arrived at my destination.

I walked into my grandparents' house, nothing seems to have changed since the last time I was there. Some of the photos have been updated since I was last there, but for the most part, everything is as it was when they first moved to Gardnerville in the mid-1990's. Even the room that I'll sleep in that night will have changed very little since the house was first inhabited by my grandparents (the first owners of the home.) I am nearly certain the alarm clock next to the bed I'll sleep in is older than I am. I half believe that the VCR might only play BetaMax tapes (this is not actually the case, it only plays VHS.) As I enter the living room to greet my grandfather, I see that one of the two channels that we'll watch that weekend is on: AMC. The other channel is Turner Classic Movies ("They don't have commercials!" I am assured by my grandfather.) After setting my luggage in my room, I return to the living room and am told to sit down, we have a Gene Hackman movie marathon to partake in.

The marathon is broken up by a home-cooked dinner (Thank you, Grandma!) and attempts to print paperwork from the internet for my grandmother. She only has Adobe Reader 6.0, but we need to print something that will require a minimum of 7.0, so we go find 9.0 and try to download it. Doh! That's right! It's 1995 and the only thing available is AOL dial-up (remember when EVERYONE in America had AOL? Even I did, as recently as 1999.) Well, the Adobe Reader 9.0 files aren't exactly small and they're going to take a while to download. I try not to fall asleep in the process, but I do. It takes 5 hours to download these files. I hope that they let us print what we want. I also hope that Grandma doesn't pay for internet by the hour or for local phone service by the minute. Either way, I am sure it will all be worth it to Grandma and Grandpa, as it helped them print out some paperwork that was VERY important to them. Hurray! The install was a success!!

After breakfast, prepared by an awesome grandmother, we decided to go to The National Car Museum in Reno, Nevada. We saw some OLD cars there, too! It was awesome! Some of those cars make today's SUV's look economical. I was fascinated by the various cars, but took few photos, that is, until I saw the "celebrity" cars. And which celebrity car made me decide to start taking snapshots? You'll never guess: Grease Lightning!

Other cars that I saw that day, include this beauty from 2 Fast 2 Furious:

And this funky one from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me:

Then we saw this amazing car, you might recognize it as something James Bond drove in Die Another Day:

We finished off the afternoon at the museum with an ice cream. Then we tooled around the mall for an hour or two, after which we had dinner at Outback Steakhouse in honor of my birthday (I turned 28 years old this year.) It was a good, long day. Luckily my grandfather drove that afternoon. My pedometer that night showed that I had walked 8 miles that day! Crazy, huh? It definitely made me feel better about eating the filet mignon for dinner. ;)

The weekend was capped off by a return trip to Bakersfield, during which I partook in many of the same festivities as on my way up there. Only this time, I sang a few hymns, too. It was Sunday after all.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

17 Pounds in 6 Weeks

For those of you that are not aware. I am a lap-band patient. Well, that is not fully accurate, I have the Realize Band, but my point is that I had laparascopic banding surgery on January 23, 2009. At my pre-operative weigh-in, I was 382.5 pounds. Through February, March and April, I wasn't doing much exercise due to being inundated with work as a tax-focused certified public accountant. So, my weight was really reducing that much. Also, I was doing it all through diet and no exercise. Then I had my first adjustment on March 18, 2009. And another in May 2009.

Around the time of that adjustment in May 2009, I started going ot Pair & Marotta Physical Therapy on Truxtun. I started with the water exercises and some rehab in the medical gym area. After two months of Physical Therapy, I've since become a Medi-Gym member, which just means that I don't see a therapist when I am in there, though they are available to answer my questions and direct me as to what I should be doing. Also, if I have a problem, they are there to help me. I needed this, as I was legitimately too heavy to start running or even walking on a treadmill or elliptical machine. My knee bothers me and just doesn't support it, but the water allows me to do things that I otherwise wouldn't be able to do. Either way, I had been able to drop down to about 360 pounds before six weeks ago.

About six weeks ago, I started trying a few things different, including taking some newer prescription drugs (Phentermine 15 mg and Topamax 25 mg) and weightlifting. I also started protein-loading. I am making sure to eat a minimum of 100 grams of protein per day and my goal is to actually have a minimum of 150 grams per day and be closer to 175 grams per day. I am doing all of this while trying to eat a diet of less than 2500 calories per day, and if I can help it, less than 1800 calories per day.

My body has responded well to all of this. My blood pressure is doing great (thanks to the Topamax and another blood pressure medicine that I take daily) and the weight is coming off. I weighed in at 342.5 pounds at Cedars-Sinai yesterday before I had my third adjustment. The goal is to weigh even less by the end of August. Stated more clearly, I'd like to be at about 325 by 8/31/2009. I think that I can easily do it, I just need to stay away from eating too much ice cream and cookies. Two things that I refuse to give up completely, but have come to realize that I must eat in moderation. I have found some good-tasting protein mixes and have figured out some recipes that work for me.

The best part of my weigh-in was that they tell me my body stats. My body fat percentages continue to go down. Better yet, it looks like I actually put on a few pounds of muscle over the past six weeks, meaning that the vast majority of that 17 pounds was body fat. My body has slimmed down a lot. My clothes fit better and people are starting to notice. My trainer at Pair & Marotta was somewhat shocked. Last night, he said, "You know, I noticed that you were looking thinner, but most people just have their belly curve continue to come back, your's has just dropped flat. That means that you've been dropping belly fat. That's great!" I like hearing stuff like that! I also like seeing the definition that I am getting in my calves and biceps and even my abs. Unfortunately, the abs are covered by a lot of fat still, but the muscles are coming in, I swear they are!!

So, at this point, I think it is safe to say that I am pleased with the results that I am seeing from the working out and diet changes. If anyone has any questions, then I will be happy to answer them directly. Just post a comment here or message me if you know me.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Long Day from... Heaven?

I couldn't fall asleep last night. I don't know why, but it just wasn't happening. It could have been any of a myriad of reasons, but after going through any and all of them, the result was the same: I could not sleep. The last time I remember seeing as I glanced at the clock last night was about 1:30 AM. My alarm started its persistent buzzing at ten minutes before 7:00 AM; what was this, a cruel joke? It's a Sunday, not a weekday, I'm supposed to be able to sleep in! Also, my first church meeting isn't until 11:45 AM on Sunday, so I don't need to be up that early. So, I turned my alarm off and just laid there in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. Then, the phone rang.
Out of principle, I didn't want to get up. Why would I? It was 8:32 AM on a Sunday morning, certainly it was just one of the guys in my branch asking for a ride to church that afternoon, I could call them back. That thought went through my mind very quickly upon hearing the phone ring, but then something came over me. I honestly began to shake and at the same time a warm feeling came over my entire body and this thought entered my mind: "GET UP AND ANSWER THE PHONE!!" I jumped up from my bed to my phone and saw who was calling: it was the Fresno Co-Chairperson for the statewide Young Single Adult (YSA) conference. I tried to answer, but the call went to voice mail before I could do so. I called her back immediately. She had a new challenge for me and the stakes of Bakersfield: put together a choir and perform on August 9th at the Sunday morning session of the Conference. My end of the conversation went something like this: "What? Really? With so little time? Do you really need a choir? Well, I can't see the Bakersfield Stakes backing down from this challenge. How many people can we have in the choir? Sixty? Okay. I'll let you know as soon as I do that we've accepted this challenge. Thank you."
So, began my morning. I then showered, got ready for church and headed to my office to get my paperwork together for the conference. Then, feeling challenged by phone calls from earlier in the week, I called every but who was already registered, but had yet to pay. That was a lot of phone calls and phone messages! Luckily, I know everyone on my lists, so it's not scary making the calls, just a little awkward asking them to pay the money for the conference! Seriously though, it'll be worth every dime the attendees spend on attendance.
After the thirty or so phone calls, I left my office, already a few minutes late for my Branch Council meeting; I'm also the Sunday School President of the Kern River Branch. There we were able to discuss the greatness that is the California YSA Conference that will be hosted in Fresno. I told them of my conversations with the co-chairs and the excitement that I was feeling for this conference and the disappointment that we don't have more people registered yet! They council countered with their plans to have two more "search and rescue" events in the next week. One on 7/20/2009 and the other on 7/26/2009. I lamented that I had plans both days, but vowed to change plans for the one on Monday. The one on Sunday interferes with an engagement I have to be on television, volunteering with ALSAC/St. Jude's; totally a good, better, best situation, but I gave my word to St. Jude's first.
After more talk of the conference in all three hours of Church, I went to the Bakersfield Stake offices to renew my temple recommend. While there I met some more YSA, so I proceeded to invite them to the conference, too. Then, went and met with my stake president, Michael Hawkins. He's a good man, and has worked in energy for years. I don't know much about him, but I like him. After that, I went to our Linger Longer and had some chili with cheese and chatted with some other young single adults.
Following that, and after consulting with Bakersfield South Stake and my stake and trying desperately to get a hold of the East Stake's representatives, we had a trial run choir practice to practice a piece of music that we are not quite sure we will have by our next practice. I am having faith it will work out. How can it not? Either way, practice is immediately following institute on Wednesday night at the institute. Maybe you can join us?
I returned home around 9:00 PM this evening, exhausted from the day. And after doing some last minute chores am now writing this as I am about to fall asleep. How great this day has been. I think I know what President Hinckley was talking about regarding losing yourself in service only to find yourself, because I haven't felt this spiritually good in a while, and I wasn't exactly bad off before this. I feel almost like I am on missionary status right now. I love it.
If you haven't registered yet for this conference, you really should. The cost is negligible when you factor in that housing for Friday and Saturday nights will be provided. Lunch and dinner on Saturday and Breakfast and Lunch on Sunday will be provided, too. And there are two dances: one on Friday night, one on Saturday night. Overall, it's going to be a fun weekend, and well worth the registration fees. Register today at

Monday, June 8, 2009

Fast & Furious

Last week, to celebrate $1 Tuesdays at Starplex Cinemas in Bakersfield, my buddy Adam and myself decided to see Fast & Furious after work. Wow! The theater was packed!! So many kids and parents crowding that place up!!!

I don't know what to say about this movie, because while it was somewhat fun to watch, it was overall a very crappy movie. I don't remember ever watching him prior to this and thinking this thought, but while watching this movie it dawned on me that Paul Walker cannot act or at the very least, didn't act well in this movie. Ditto that for every other actor in this film. Michelle Rodriguez mailed it in. Vin Diesel was his normal self, but still a bad actor. Even Jordana Brewster (she's very good-looking) was pretty terrible in this one. I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit to see this movie get nominated for lots of Razzies this year.

So, in closing, if you're looking for a sophisticated, smart film, then this is not that film. If you are looking for a dumb movie, with cool cars, and some scantily-clad women, then this is your film.

As an aside, before we chose this movie, I narrowed it down to three movies and presented those to Adam. Now, I chose those three movies based on the showtime and what I thought he'd like. So, he totally chose this movie. As we were leaving, he says this to me: "I don't know that I would have a chosen a movie with such scantily-clad women, but thank you for taking me to the movies." I don't remember the other two film titles, but this was the one I least wanted to see.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Terminator: Salvation

I was able to watch this movie when visiting Pasadena on 5/30/2009, following my completion of the GMAT that morning. Overall, I liked Terminator:Salvation. It was rather entertaining. The action was cool, the story was cool enough. I thought that Christian Bale and Anton Yelchin (the new "it-kid" in Hollywood?) did very good jobs in their roles as John Connor and his dad, Kyle Reese. My biggest complaint was the Terminator in this movie: Sam Worthington. Worthington's acting was a huge distraction to me. I thought that he was a muscle-bound idiot, yet he tried to show a heart throughout the movie. And Moon Bloodgood's character was annoying at best, especially her flirtations with Mr. Worthington's character. What was up with Moon's makeup in this movie? She has a Zorro-like band around her eyes the entire film, which made it difficult to understand her character at all; why? because I was busy looking at her eyes and trying to figure out what was up with them.

I really liked the sound of the movie. The attacks by the machines were really cool because of the sound effects. Also, the machines used in the movie were fairly innovative. And Helena Bonham Carter did a great job in her limited role. I really liked the "cameo" by Arnold Schwarzenegger near the end. The ending was alright and left the movie open to Terminator 5, which I am okay with, especially if the sequel includes Bale and Yelchin.

If you like Science Fiction at all, then you should go check out this film.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I Love You, Man

My roommate, Mike, wanted to see this movie since he first heard about it. He's a fan of Paul Rudd (who is pretty hilarious) and tends to want to watch anything with Mr. Rudd in it (even if it were only a cameo.) As for me, I think that Jason Segel is hilarious (he stars as Marshall in How I Met Your Mother), so I was all too willing to see this movie. Well, due to other movies coming out that looked funnier to me and a vacation that I took out of the country, I decided that this was a dollar theater movie (I'll explain this concept in another post.) Yesterday, I finally saw that it was playing at the dollar theater, so I immediately called Mike, and we made plans to go that night. I am so glad that we did see it.

While the movie earns its "R" rating, it is mostly due to profanity (f-bombs galore) and sexual discussion (I don't recall any actual nudity, though.) I was laughing out loud an awful lot while watching this movie. The comments made by Sidney (Segel) to Peter (Rudd) about Peter's engagement to Zooey (a lovely Rashida Jones) were at times ludicrous, but always humorous. At one point, Sidney asks Zooey, in front of his family and her friends at Peter & Zooey's engagement party no less, to better satisfy Peter's sexual needs. (It was a great toast!!)

Add in that this movie heavily showcases Jane Curtin, J.K. Simmons, Andy Samberg, Jon Favreau, Jaime Pressly, Lou Ferrigno, and other hilarious actors, and you have a very funny and entertaining movie. If you can get past some of the crude, sexual language, then I think that you'll laugh your butt off at this movie. Go check it out!!!